An ever increasing phenomenon that I have come across in my law practice is grandparents wanting to provide for their grandchildren. Grandparents come to me frustrated, confused, and broken because their grandchildren are in state custody and they are being forced to choose between their grandchild and their own child.

Unfortunately, many grandparents that I have encountered in my practice have faced resistance from state agencies when they have tried to take on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren because of a parents inability to do so. The reality is grandparents are often forced to choose between supporting their own child or caring for their grandchild. A choice that is far too often minimized by professionals in the child in need of care system.

If grandparents choose to support their own child they are accused of enabling. Grandparents are very often faulted for their own child’s poor choices. Faced with these obstacles despite Kansas state law and family service policy and procedure manuals requiring state agencies and their contractors to turn to family first, grandparents wishing to be considered as a resource option are far too often snubbed. Social workers tend to rationalize that a grandparents alleged enabling behavior will continue in their rearing of their grandchild and the “mistakes” the grandparents made in raising their own child will be made again this time around.

If grandparents decide to support their own child in hopes of helping him/her recover from his/her own current plight and get him/her into a position where he/she is able to raise his/her own child, grandparents are often condemned. The best chance that these parents have at recovery is when they turn to their support network for help, their family. Social workers assigned to these parents are often overworked and underpaid and do not have the time, energy, or commitment to offer these parents the support they need to fully recover. But if grandparents offer their child support and that parent subsequently fails and does not successfully recover or does not recover quick enough and the court system finds the parent to be “unfit” the grandparents loose their grandchild to the state.

If a grandparent cuts their own child off they are heartless, and they risk losing him or her. If they support their child they are “unfit” to raise their own grandchild. This phenomenon that grandparents face is far too often minimized and most be more thoughtfully considered by social workers when making placement decisions.

This video uses photos, music, posters and poems to bring attention to the reality of child abuse. Warning: Some of the photos show disturbing images of children with injuries.

Child abuse inflicts an incalculable human cost on its victims and their families. It also costs money.

Child abuse costs the nation $94 billion annually according to a 2001 study by Prevent Child Abuse America.

The good news is that prevention not only saves lives, it even saves money.

A RAND Corp. study found that for every $1 spent on working early with poor families in parenting classes, getting them help with health care and providing other social supports, about $4 will be saved in foster care, juvenile delinquency, drug abuse treatment and mental health costs.

Twice this week parents met with me about inappropriate discipline of their children at school. The schools were using physical restraint and confinement. Because of previous life experiences, the children already suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and other serious emotional disturbances.

When the children physically resisted being manhandled and confined the schools called police. The parents were concerned about losing their children in juvenile court. One of the children, who had been adopted from Eastern Europe, panicked, fought or ran whenever police appeared.

Interestingly, the children were not problematic outside the school setting. They still exhibited the same behaviors that caused concern for the school. However, their parents and other caring adults had learned how to redirect their behavior without physical restraint.

Both parents used the techniques recommended by Ross W. Greene in his books Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem-Solving Approach and The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children. They were frustrated that the schools refused to consider those approaches as an alternative to physical restraint.

We are helping these children by demanding that the schools perform a Functional Behavioral Assessment. If the school’s Functional Behavioral Assessment is inadequate, we might demand an Independent Educational Evaluation at public expense. Based on these assessments and evaluations, we will devise a Behavioral Intervention Plan that will become a part of the Individual Education Plan for these children.

The parents of these children were wise to deal with the issue proactively. By using the provisions of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act we can prevent inappropriate physical abuse and court involvement.

Imagine the fear, anger and concern over losing a four year old child who had lived with you since her birth. The family who came to my office were beside themselves with worry when the child’s mother sent her daughter to another part of the country to live with a man who is not her father.

The child’s aunt, uncle and grandmother came to our office. Four weeks ago, the mother took the child from their home and sent her to another part of the country. She now lives with the father of her half siblings.

The case demonstrates how child custody lawyers strategize solutions to problems. First, we began with the facts. The child is four years old. She has lived mostly with her aunt and uncle for most of her life. Her mother has many children, but none of them live with their mother. Some are in foster care.

Next, we had to analyze child custody jurisdiction under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act. Too many lawyers and even judges simplify and misunderstand child custody jurisdiction. For example, some mistakenly believe that the court where the child now resides has jurisdiction. Others think that the state where the child lived for the past six months keeps jurisdiction until the child lives somewhere else for six months. The accurate rule differs in ways that, though technical, make the difference in the life of a child.

After establishing jurisdiction, we had to consider various ways for a non-parent to take custody of a child. We considered private child in need of care actions, paternity actions, and grandparents’ visits. We advised our client on the benefits, risks, speed and costs of each option. We even had to consider the reputation and experiences of particular judges to know how a court might rule.

Ultimately, we brought all of our sophistication and experience to bear for the sole purpose of rescuing a small child from a dangerous circumstance.

Last Wednesday CASA of Johnson and Wyandotte Counties hosted its annual Promise of Hope Lunch. CASA provides Court Appointed Special Advocates (abbreviated “CASA“) for children in court. Most of the children are involved in either divorce / custody litigation or child in need of care cases for abuse and neglect. (Disclosure: I serve on the board of CASA, but I am writing this post on my own and not on behalf of CASA.)

CASA treated us to a moving program including musical performances, a video, and feature speakers. One of the speakers testified about her experience being abducted by her father at age four. She had no idea when he took her for a visit to the park that she wouldn’t see her mother again for fourteen years.

Her father kept her in hiding from town to town under assumed names. They moved through 38 states, sometimes shifting every few weeks. She rarely attended school. He lied to her about her mother being evil or dead.

At age 14 she noticed the photos of missing children on some milk cartons. She said she was feeling sorry for those children. When she examined one of the cartons, she was horrified to find a picture of herself. She had never thought of herself as “missing.”

From then she knew that her mother was alive and searching for her. Three years later, after escaping from her father, she finally found her mother’s phone number and called. At the age of seventeen, she spoke to her mother for the first time since she was four years old.

Some people gloss over parental abduction because the child remains with a parent. However, her story reminded us that parental abduction is very real form of child abuse.

• Five children die nationally every day from abuse and neglect, according to the U.S. Advisory Board on Abuse and Neglect.

• Seventy-eight children in Missouri were victims of fatal abuse or neglect in 2005.
• Nine children in Kansas City were victims of homicide in 2006.
• In Kansas, 8,465 incidents of child abuse and neglect were reported in fiscal year 2006.
• 608 children were substantiated as victims of abuse and neglect in Wyandotte County and Johnson County, Kansas in 2006.

Source: Debby Howland, chair of the KC Child Abuse Prevention Month Planning Committee, quoted this morning in the Kansas City Star.

This is my week to volunteer for CASA of Johnson and Wyandotte Counties, Kansas, where I serve on the board of directors. CASA trains community volunteers to serve as a child’s voice in court.

This morning I trained about eight new volunteers. I have been training CASA volunteers for more than ten years. This group was clearly intent on making a difference in the lives of children in court. On Tuesday evening I will train about another eleven new volunteers on the role of attorneys and guardians ad litem.

On Wednesday I am hosting a table at the annual Promise of Hope luncheon to raise community awareness and support for CASA. Thursday evening we have a regular board meeting followed by a reception for the new volunteers. I also have a speaking engagement Thursday evening with Horizon Academy, a specialized private program to educate children with learning disabilities.

I enthusiastically volunteer my time for CASA because I believe in its mission. If you believe in helping children, I encourage you to volunteer for this worthwhile organization.

April is Chid Abuse Prevention Month. You can prevent child abuse by knowing the signs of the four types of child abuse: Physical, Sexual, Emotional, and Neglect. Here are some of the signs of abuse:

• Injuries in the shape of an object, or in places where injuries would be unexpected;

• Apathy, depression;
• Agressiveness;
• Sudden weight change;
• Clothing unsuited to the weather;
• Sudden changes in school performance or behavior;
• Bed wetting or nightmares.

I just returned from visiting a fifteen year old girl at the juvenile detention center. She committed no crimes. She is detained for running away from a foster placement. I’ll see her again in court this afternoon.

She is easy to like. She is intelligent and personable. She has an interest in nature and ecology. She likes to read and talk about books and music.

She has been in foster care since the age of two months. I met her when she was eleven. Since then, she has lived in well more than fifty– maybe a hundred– different foster homes, temporary shelters, detention centers, mental health facilities and residential treatment centers. Not suprisingly, she suffers from reactive attachment disorder and a host of other diagnoses.

When I visited her at a temporary shelter a few weeks ago, I noticed that she had scars on her arms and wrists from cutting herself. She said that the cutting released her pain. She assured me though that instead of cutting she now writes songs.

She sang this song to me. She wrote it in her diary. She gave me permission to publish it for any other child or family who might benefit.

Please post a comment. I’ll be sure to bring your comment to her. I’m sure she would appreciate your support.

My mama gave me up when
i was 2 months old She
didn’t break my heart she
killed my soul i was beat
and my flesh was weak i
was scared and could not
speak Daddy remember you
Raped me twice now your 30+
and still paying the price
as i grew up depression took
my life i tried to kill myself
with a knife so i asked the
Lord what to do and this is what
he said

Shout shout let it all
out leave all the pain you can
do without so come on im talking
to you so come on

pain is how
i made it through i found myself
missing you every day it was
pain i was going through
so i asked the Lord what to
do and this is what he said

there are many people
with different fates yours
is to walk through heaven’s
gates