Kansas House Bill 2667 yesterday was amended to include covenant marriage.   Divorce from a Kansas covenant marriage would be permissible only for “a complete and total breach of the marital covenant commitment.”  Couples desiring a covenant marriage would be required to obtain counseling prior to stating their commitment.

The House Bill originally was intended as a non-substantive technical reorganization of the Domestic Relations statutes in Kansas.  Before yesterday, substantive amendments were deliberately omitted from the bill.  The House Judiciary Committee was intending first to reorganize the statutes in a coherent, accessible form.  Substantive changes were supposed to have been raised later.

Thirty five years.  That’s an awfully long time to be married before a divorce.

I just finished mediating the divorce of a couple who have been married thirty five years.  Everything has changed:  their financial hopes, their retirement, even their living arrangements for the next phase of their lives.  At this point, the assumptions on which they organized their expectations are changing after it is too late to adjust for them.

At least they mediated instead of litigating.  In our mediation, they divided all of their assets and debts.  They planned for their retirements.  They divided their 401k’s and their pension plans.

They accomplished all this without going to court.  Now that they have settled all their issues, I will file their divorce for approval with the court.

Divorce is never easy, but at least they accorded each other the dignity of avoiding court.  After all, it’s the least they could do after thirty five years of marriage.

Presidential candidate Senator Barak Obama talks about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. He also discusses the problems that arise when a father is absent.

Father’s rights groups suppose he meant to criticize fathers who choose not to support their children. That is certainly a part of his message. However, in this video his words could just as well advocate for courts to allow fathers to fulfill meaningful roles in lives of their children.

Divorce affects more children more profoundly than any other legal proceeding. For many families, divorce prompts their first and only contact with lawyers and with courts. Too often, the court process itself exacerbates rather than heals the family’s hurt and division.

Consequently, many families choose to divorce without going to court. Instead, they choose a new process known as “collaborative divorce.” In collaborative divorce, the parents agree in advance to resolve their disputes without resorting to court.

As with any divorce, each parent hires his or her own attorney. The attorneys advocate for their respective clients. However, instead of going to court the advocacy takes place in four way meetings involving both parents and their counsel. Parents might also include other professionals, such as divorce coaches, a financial specialist and a child specialist.

Children benefit the most from this process. Collaborative divorce allows parents to reach their goals without the bitterness of a battle in court. Consequently, parents leave the process better able to cooperate for the benefit of their children.

Divorce is rarely pleasant. However, for many families, collaborative divorce provides a way to achieve divorce while keeping control within the family and minimizing strife. In this way, the parents prepare their family for successful post-divorce co-parenting.

For more information on collaborative divorce, check the web sites for the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, the Collaborative Law Institute of Kansas, and the Collaborative Law Institute of Missouri. You can also write me at Scott@yourchild1st.com .